Too Heavy to Coast

I really hate Google Maps. This spring I drove to Phoenix from Santa Fe.  Prior to this trip I had only ever really driven the BV on flat ground.  The great plains states.  Driving in my blissful ignorance, Google led me on a route with 7-9% downward grades.  I had no idea how to drive a van this heavy down a slope like that and I burned out the brakes.  Warped rotors, I guess.  I don’t know anything about auto mechanics.  All I know is, it cost me $600 to make it all better.  

Fast forward.  This trip I knew the route I want to take.  It’s the way I returned from Phoenix the last trip.  Not the shortest by any means, I drove through Tucson and across through White Sands.  One short exciting part a couple hours east of Tucson.  But this time I would be climbing it.  Otherwise it would be flat.  I was confident.

The night before I had stayed in a bar parking lot.  I asked them, “If I drink too much, can I leave my van in your parking lot?” The answer was a definite yes.  It’s all in the wording of the question.  “Can I sleep in my van in your parking lot?” Might not have gotten as enthusiastic of an answer.  Plus, he doesn’t know I am a two beer drinker.  It was a good spot.  Once the bar closed down it was super quiet and I felt totally safe.

In the morning after coffee, I slid into the pilot’s seat, and plugged my address into Google Maps.  It gave me three options.  The first, the super scary way I went the last time.  Then one other route that looked pretty good most of the way, but then some maybe dodgy stuff at the end.  Then the route I wanted to go.  I pressed on route three (Google told me it was an hour and forty one minutes longer) and pressed start.  All good right?  I hadn’t moved fifty feet before I got a popup.  “Google Maps has found a shorter route, Do you want to take it?”  What’s worse, if you don’t answer it reroutes you.   It is *this* one little *default* at the base of my hate.

I drove, and every few minutes I would get the popup.  I had to look away from the road …down into the cup holder where my phone rides… remove a hand from the wheel and push the button to keep the route I wanted.   I don’t know how it happened. There were some hot air balloons over Albuquerque and I pulled over to look at them.  I think it must have asked the reroute question when it noticed I was gone.  Anyway, I didn’t realize it until too late.  I was not on the scariest road but I was on the scary enough road.  I passed through salt river canyon.  Sorry I don’t have any pictures.  I just wanted to get through it.  A quick glance and a “that’s pretty cool” was all it got.  

The first night I landed in Tucson just a couple blocks away from a venue where I saw a band.  From a coffee shop and a pizza the next day.  I was really impressed.  It was a cool town.  They had done a lot of revitalization work to their original downtown.  It was artsy and funky.  I enjoyed it.  The only down side of it was I parked right next to a bright pink dumpster. I did not realize the significance of this. It was a glass recycle dumpster! Did you know, a city full of people throw away glass at all hours?  I do!  

The next day I rolled into Phoenix.

There was a guy I wanted to meet up with.  But here’s the thing… When I actually wrote it down in a group text message while I was walking to the bar I realized the absurdity of the situations I find myself in.  I just wrote a text message saying “I am about to meet up with some random dude I met in the pub this spring. A guy who gave me tamales.” 

Honestly I think the real danger was the sidewalk getting to the place.  Narrow and right next to traffic moving at speeds above 45mph.

My last visit I had planned on going to a tap room but when I got there it was closed!  I was in luck though.  There was a head shop right next door.  Those people who work in those places always know everything!  They had me steered straight away.  They pointed me to Rum Runner Bar where I met the tamale guy.  I walked away that night with the best tamales I had ever had! 

The pub dog at Rum Runners.

Rum Runners was just as fruitful this trip.  I ended up chatting with a HVAC guy who told stories of the record 2023 heatwave in Phoenix.  He said his business, with the number of employees they have, has a perfect number of clients. That number is seven hundred.  With seven hundred customers it generates the perfect number of service calls to keep all his workers busy without being overloaded.  This summer he was getting seven hundred service calls a day.   He talked about how the manufacturers don’t even make systems rated to meet the cooling needs Arizona now has.  How now he has to cobble systems together.  But even then, the systems are not made to run at 100% capacity that many days in a row.  It was a fascinating talk.   And (!) I got lots of restaurant suggestions!  …Oh, the previous year of record heat? 2020. 

Later  the Tamale Guy arrived. It was great seeing him again.  Talking food and a bunch of my tall tales.  He is idolizing the van life these days.  He promises I will see him out on the road.  I hope he is right. He is a good guy and I sure hope he brings the tamales!