Wednesday, December 13, 2023

The Art of Blending


Stealth camping is when you blend into your background.  I have taken the most common vehicle a city has, the white cargo van, and turned it into a camper.  Then I have hidden it in plain site.  I can take it into any big city and make it my apartment.  If you do it right, they are invisible.  

But, my life has changed.  When I first started this project I was stealth camping around a city I knew well.  I knew good starting spots.  I knew the areas to stay out of.  I knew where all the good coffee houses and donut shops were.  Over the past year I have had to apply everything I learned and go for an advance degree.  Now I travel to cities I know nothing about.  Allow me to draw back the curtain and give you a peak.  Here is what I think about and how I do it.


I have described some of the issues when I arrive in a smaller town.  Those tend to be places I overnight while driving.  I think small towns always have a few spots where I fit in.  I never plan down to this level of minutia.  While driving, I am tired, I stop.   Small towns… They're small.. I can just drive around and find that spot.  Going to big cities though, is an entirely different deal.  Cities require planning.

I use Google Maps.  I never stay in the downtown of a big city.  What I look for in Maps is a donut area maybe about a mile out with the hole being downtown. (I just realized I am already two donut references in and we are early!)  What I am looking for is light yellow colored area.  Those are small commercial areas within the residential.  Then I use the street view to look at what those areas are.  I am looking for old-school business districts.  Not strip malls or big boxes.  I want to see flower shops, gift shops, small bars.  I look at the edge of where the commercial area meets the residential.  A perfect spot is when there is a multi family dwelling unit, an apartment building, at this edge.  Nothing too new, they might have underground parking.  Nothing too big, parking might be hard to find.  In Google Maps I have three such spots, a primary and two backup plans, picked out before I ever hit the city limits.


It is not uncommon at all for the primary to not work out.  Sometimes when I physically arrive in an area I discover something obvious that disqualifies it.  Though I try to read the signs in Google often I can’t.  So I will get there and it will be posted no parking from 2am-6am. 

On my recent trip to Pasadena California surface parking lots exist.  (I am too tall to fit into any ramp.) The parking cost is: from whenever you arrive, until 11:59pm of that day,  $15.  I had researched two of these such lots a few blocks from one another.  If none of my other spots panned out my plan was to pay for two spots.  Use one parking lot during the day and the other at night so the van wouldn’t appear in one spot for too long.  But I hate paying for parking.  


Many times I don’t really care where I am.  When I went to New Orleans last year I just floated around the city.  I parked wherever the wind took me.  But on the Pasadena trip I had a very specific area I had to be in every day for a conference.  I got lucky.  I found lots of great overnight stealth spots.  I was really thinking I would stay the four nights of the conference at the best one.  But it was not to be.

The best spot I found I “poisoned” on the second night. Here is what happened.  Two nights previously I found a really good spot.  Some industrial looking buildings on one side of the street.  On the other side was a bar, a duplex and then a six-plex apartment, then a house which was actually a charity and was closed until ten in the morning.  Quiet street, nice trees.  Overnight I felt really safe there. Perfect.  


In the morning I pulled out.  I drove about two blocks to a spot with a church.  I parked out front on the street, but close to the service entrance.  It was about a six block walk to the conference.  Afterward I walked around, caught some dinner.  Caught some Pokemon.  Had a glass of wine while I wrote to y’all.  Regular night.

My plan was to drive back to the good parking spot for the night.  A block before I got there I waited for cross traffic at an intersection.  The guy ended up turning, to be in front of me.  But then he parked exactly where I had planned to park.  I couldn’t really pull in behind him.  He might wait for me to get out or at least take note if I didn’t.  So I had to drive on, and give up my good spot for the night.   I was bummed.


I had consumed two glasses of wine that night because, California.  That was a lot of wine for me.  I was probably just fine. But I was driving in a strange city at eleven pm looking for somewhere new to hide.  All the while kicking myself for the timing of losing the good spot.

I eventually found a place.  It turned out fine.  But even if it is eleven o’clock as it was, I follow the same routine when I arrive.   I park. I walk all the way to the end of the block where I came from and I read every street sign. I look at every windshield and the back right corners of the cars.  If I see consistent stickers there is a parking restriction.  That night, at eleven pm, I would have gone ahead and risked a ticket.  I would have been fine.

So once I have determined I am safe from being towed, I walk around a couple blocks.  I observe.  This is the safety test.  Do I feel safe here?   I am not actually looking for pristine neighborhoods.  I am looking for comfortable.  What kind of cars are parked here?  How much of the broken cubes of glass from car side windows is in the gutter?  That night everything was within acceptable tolerances.  I stayed.


If I am pulling into an area I have already researched, or sometimes I park the van earlier in the “night spot” and walk to some entertainment.  When I get into the van, I always get into the drivers seat.  Never the side door. The first thing I do is have a quick look around.  Is anyone looking at me?  After a moment I pull out my phone.  I spend a couple of minutes on it.  Anyone watching should be bored.   Then I turn it off and wait.  Then have a longer look around.  Is there anyone I can see still from the first review?  Only after I have established my invisibility do I get into the back. 

So far I have only been talking about nighttime spots.  These are the places you find where you slide into them about ten and leave by eight in the morning.  You make no extra noise.  I am very careful and even try to move slowly as I get ready to sleep. 


Daytime spots are noisier.  Shopping mall or large grocery store parking lots for instance.  Those are also good because they are a great place to get solar.  I try to find a place where the parking lot is well over sized and I am not shorting them a customer space.  That ensures they’re not watching.   Plus, where there is one such lot, there is an odds-on chance there is another such lot, similarly oversized, within a block.  ‘Merica.  I move over the lunch hour.  Sometimes it is good to re-orient for solar reasons anyway.

I work a lot from my van.  It is a very small space.  In a crazy way I think that helps a lot with my focus.  I have a desk that folds down from the wall.  If the weather is agreeable, it is a very comfortable place to work.  And for all the crazy down-sides to my life right now, I do like staying where the weather is agreeable.  But working, I am making noise.  I say the F word. I am moving around the van. Making coffee. Talking in meetings.  I don’t really talk much so that doesn’t add a lot.  All those types of noises radiate out of the steel box way better than you think they would.  Working inside the van in a quiet neighborhood would attract attention.  


An amusing note, parking on streets with a lot of traffic or a four lane can certainly work too.  But, high speed passes by big vehicles make the van rock around.  I get motion sick.  

Parking wise this is about it.  It has kept me safe so far.  I feel pretty good about it.  I do have to think about the other part. What happens if someone breaks into the van?  I have a deadbolt lock on both the bulkhead door and the side door.  I have metal anti theft screens on the side and back windows.   My vulnerabilities are that a professional thief could have a crowbar and pop open the rear door.   That would certainly be a worst case.  The most likely scenario is I will hear one of the front windows break.  I will make a lot of noise and hopefully the bad guy runs off, right?


If you are considering this sort of life you will pick up and find tricks of your own you will employ.  One last suggestion?  Visit this new place.  Find amazing parking spots.  *Take notes*  




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